Some people go through life dealing with each day as it presents itself. They don’t plan their lives. Some go further and believe that it is an insult to their God to have a “personal” plan when their God has a plan for them and their lives.

This view must be respected even if you may not share it.

However, regardless of your view about planning your life, one fact is inescapable for all of us: from this very second to the day you die, there is only a finite amount of time left for each of us. Some of us have more time and some of us have less – but finite it is nevertheless.

When we ask people “what do you want to do with the time you have left,” most reply, in one form or another that they just want to “be happy”.

If you were to ask your friends what would make them happy, it is likely that each would have a different definition of happiness. Some want to retire, some want security, some want to write a book, some want to help their children or parents, some want to help others and so on.

To add a little complexity to this, even if two of your friends answered “I want to be secure,” it is probable that their definition of what “security” is differs between them. For one, security may be having a good job while for another it may mean having an independent income and not relying on a job.

Each person therefore has their own, legitimate and sincere definition of happiness to which they are entitled.

Furthermore, while one person may have “helping others” as an element of their vision, it may rank differently for another person with the same vision-element.
Because each of our visions is subjective and personal, there is no single solution, or “silver bullet” that will deliver it for us. There is no course we should attend that will guarantee that if we attend, we will secure our vision. There is no job that will do this; no society, belief system, religion, or other magic solution. Certainly, some of these “strategies” may assist but they don’t guarantee success.
If being a doctor is your definition of happiness, then successfully completing a suitable medical training course is a necessary step to achieving the standard required. But because happiness is very rarely uni-dimensional, being a doctor, per se, is unlikely to deliver your complete vision of happiness.

Even when we are reasonably clear or even profoundly clear about what our personal vision is, clarity and determination sometimes aren’t enough to guarantee fulfilment of the vision and therefore of happiness.

Whether we want to admit it or not, many people strive all their lives to achieve their dreams only to die before they are attained. If they struggle hard all their lives and sacrifice for their dream, then how meaningful has their journey been if they haven’t “enjoyed” the journey and haven’t achieved their desired outcome. How many people have they affected through their sacrifice in pursuit of their own vision without having attained that vision?

As wonderful as your vision might be, it is important to choose, when choice is possible, a path or journey that is both fulfilling and meaningful. Sometimes that’s not possible: sometimes you have to accept a lousy opportunity because you have to put food on the table for your family. But where you do have a choice, and all other things being almost equal, choose the path that will give you greater meaning and fulfilment because, in the end, and because unforseen things happen, this memory may be your only legacy of the time you devoted to that option.

That’s a fairly depressing and cynical view, but unfortunately, all too real for many people. But accepting an unpleasant option does not need to be all bad. If you accept an unpleasant option (or remain in an unpleasant context – eg. family, social group, work), you have two ways of regarding it.
You can see this unpleasant option as “this is all there is” and create for yourself a fairly depressing view of your own destiny.

Or you can say that this is a necessary stepping stone until you are able to launch into another more beneficial context that will take you more directly toward your destiny.  You can even go one step further and argue that by taking this lousy job to put food on the table of your family, it has removed your concern about putting food on the table and leaves you freer to focus on building strategies, connections and tools to propel you to where you really want to be.

Some people have a personal vision which they strive for over many years and fail to achieve. This failure might be caused by a range of circumstances including a lack of skills, lack of opportunity, lack of connections, lack of money, poor planning, not knowing how to plan, and so on.

Let’s be frank: not all visions will be fulfilled and many will fail. Some visions, because they are subjective, personal and in some cases unrealistic, are destined to fail. A 90 year old wanting to become an astronaut is unlikely to succeed. It doesn’t mean that the 90 year old doesn’t or shouldn’t have the dream to become an astronaut, but that the way things are at this point in time, a 90 year old becoming an astronauts is not possible. Yet stranger things have happened.

Many of us, when faced with failure to achieve our dream, react in predictable ways. Some change their strategies and have another go. Some become more determined and fight harder for their dream. Some give up. And some change their dream to something they can achieve – they compromise or water-down that which will make them happy and settle for “second or third-best”.

The last response, a compromise of one’s vision, is unfortunate. Just because you don’t have the skills doesn’t mean that someone else with those skills won’t help you. In my book "Living on Purpose" I discuss how to bring the skills you need, but don’t have (or have enough of) to bring your vision to fruition.

Many of us develop our dreams and visions early in life. Some say for example, “When I retire I would love to travel for 6 months a year,” or “I would like to visit the Amazon,” or “I would like to climb Mt Everest,” or “I would like to live in the country and raise cattle.” All of these are elements of visions of happiness.

However, what happens to many of us is that “life happens to us.” The person who wanted to travel for 6 months when he retired found that he didn’t have the money to fulfil his dream. For the person who wanted to visit the Amazon, found that because he developed a skin condition, he couldn’t be in the heat for prolonged periods and couldn’t make the trip. For the person who wanted to climb Mt Everest when he was 25, found that at 50, he had absolutely no desire to put himself through the ordeal of a climb – and he had put on 30 pounds since, thus making the ordeal that much more difficult even if he wanted to do the climb. For the person who wanted to live on a farm found that at 55, living on the farm would take him too far from his children and grand-children – none of which were a consideration when he originally formulated his vision.

The point of this is that some of us will die before we achieve our dream, some will fail, some will be unable or unwilling to live the vision we set ourselves many years before. Therefore, for our own sakes, we should realise that a vision may change – and that is OK. Provided we are prepared to review our vision and change our strategies to suit, then we will continue to have a vision that remains meaningful to us – and will avoid years of effort for an irrelevant vision. The only thing that we owe ourselves is to make our lives as meaningful as we can so that when we reflect in years to come, we will have no regrets. If that means changing our “definition of happiness” then that’s OK.
In life we are each confronted with multiple options: options that relate to family, work, career, education, friends, leisure, travel, housing, entertainment, and so. These options by themselves are often not very difficult. We choose what makes us feel good or what serves us best at the time and which, based on our context at that time, seem like the right choices.

The difficulty is that most significant choices have implications. As an example, you are offered a wonderful job opportunity. It is in your area of interest, pays good money and is in your skill set. You need to sign a binding three year contract. The job sounds too good to be true.

The job when considered in the context of these details alone sounds like a reasonable opportunity. Most people would accept it.

But what if your vision was to travel to Africa within the next 12 months to help under-privileged children? In this context, and all other things being equal, this job is not one that would contribute to your vision, but would detract from it.

Not every choice you need to contemplate will have such important ramifications – but many will. How much more difficult does it become when your vision isn’t uni-dimensional, but may have three, four or ten elements to it. If you are aware of these elements of your vision, you are then able to carefully contemplate the issues and make an informed decision knowing all the ramifications. How much harder is it to guarantee a good outcome when you aren’t fully aware of, or ignore, the elements of your vision?

Therefore not having a personal vision can make life both easier and harder at the same time.
Easier, because without your personal vision acting as the benchmark for choice; choices become easier. One chooses that which satisfies one’s immediate needs and desires.

Harder, because decisions made, and ramifications lived, are harder to undo much later.

Having a personal vision enables better choices to be made in the short-term in your own best interest (even though they may be difficult). These better choices compliment your longer term dreams and personal vision.

Earlier I mentioned that the time we have on earth is finite. Many of us work hard all our lives to accumulate the resources (or make available the time) we need to live our dreams. The dilemma that we face is the inequitable proportion of hard work to vision fulfilment.

As an example, someone may work from the age of say, 20 to 65 working hard to save money for an unstressed retirement, travel or some other dream. Average life span is around 72 – 80 depending on where you live and your gender. The proportion of hard work to pleasure is grossly in favour of hard work. About forty five years of hard work, to 7 to 15 years pleasure – if you’re lucky and healthy. This is entirely understandable particularly in our Western society. We are expected to work hard during our lives to create our own “prize” (enjoyment or dream fulfilment).

The other aspect of our lives that society imposes on us is the belief that since our definitions of happiness, our personal visions, are uniquely ours, we can’t rely on or expect others to help us. Certainly our family and friends will encourage us to “live our dreams” but we are really expected to make it happen for ourselves if we really want it. Other won’t help because there’s “nothing in it for them” it is argued.

Some reject this notion and offer alternate ways for others to help you achieve your dream. There is no additional prize (i.e. no extra time to enjoy the prize) by “doing it” alone. In fact, “doing it” alone lengthens the time it will take to deliver your vision thus decreasing the time you will have to enjoy it.

Bottom Line

• We each have a limited time on earth: therefore right now is the earliest possible time we can start to determine our tomorrow.
• We are each different.
• We have options and choices.
• Accept that you can determine your destiny.
• Your self-worth should be generated by the respect and love you have for yourself – and not from others. Change your personal reference point from others to yourself. At the end of the day, no one will be there to give you a bundle of money as a reward for being seen as worthwhile by others.
• Peers, parents, family, school, and employers are all realities and will not disappear. However, your feeling of self-worth must triumph over the external influences that may make you feel less than you should.
• Make your current situation a stepping stone and not a destination.
• We all have difficulty in separating head and heart: therefore allow your heart to shape your vision, but allow your head to choose the path to it.
• We are all affected, more or less, by fear of failure and loss.
• The thinking that got you to where you are today may not be the thinking that will take you to where you want to be to deliver you happiness.
• The future does not have to resemble the past.
• You must enjoy the journey, since some journeys are so long that some of us won’t survive to reach our “vision destination”. If you haven’t enjoyed the journey and not reached your vision destination, then what were life’s sacrifices for?
• Work with the realities of life: family, economy and society to achieve your vision – rather than working against the tide.
• Learn to differentiate between the enablers (means) and the outcomes you are pursuing.
• Be prepared to allow others to help you achieve your vision. Which will it be – your pride or your happiness?